


Want

by Serketchaos



Category: Percy Jackson and the Olympians - Rick Riordan
Genre: M/M, i dont know, its a happy ending I promise, what do people even do with additional tags
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-02-21
Updated: 2014-02-21
Packaged: 2018-01-13 00:24:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,322
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1205995
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Serketchaos/pseuds/Serketchaos
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Nico is used to not getting the things he wants.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Want

Nico wants many things. 

When he was little all he wanted were his Mythomagic figures and the new expansion packs and he was content with that. Happy, even!

But he's grown up some now and he wants different things. Things that are much more important than some silly card game.

He wants his sister back for one. He hasn't ever stopped wanting her back. He wants people to stop looking at him like he's covered in blood or sewage the second they find out who his father is or even get within five feet of him. He wants to be able to call somewhere home and he wants Percy to trust him, to care about him; to like him as much as Nico likes him.

But he has no family to speak of besides Hazel. As much as he truly loves his half-sister, he doesn't have _his_ family anymore. The fact that he can't remember his family means nothing. He still has to deal with the fact that even if he did know them they're all dead or are dying, and wouldn't know him from a hole in the ground and that hangs over him. It knocks the wind out of his chest and crushes his lungs. It fills him with nothing but emptiness and leaves a sour taste in his mouth.

Sure, his father is alive, but is Nico stupid enough to think that Hades actually gives a shit about him? No.

And people won't ever stop being afraid of him and judging him _because of_ his father. He doesn't belong at Camp Half-Blood, nor does he belong at Camp Jupiter, and its not like he's exactly welcome in the Underworld-- especially not when Persephone is around. Gods, he doesn't even belong in this time era. He doesn't have anywhere to call home.

Then there's Percy. Hah, Percy! Like he could ever expect the Son of Poseidon to even spare him a passing glance, not when he has Annabeth. 

Annabeth. As much as he wants to hate her: he can't. It's not her fault that Percy likes her. It's not her fault she's beautiful with her hair like gold and eyes of silver. It's not her fault that she's good for Percy. It's not her fault that she's his voice of reason; the person that grounds him. Nothing about it is her fault because a relationship takes two people.

As jealous as he is, and as much as it hurts to see them together all the time with this great wonderful thing he'll never get to experience, it's not like Nico is so low as to hate them for being happy together. He's happy that Percy is happy, or at least he tries to be happy for him. Its hard to be happy for Percy when he's wishing Percy was happy with him.

He wants to stop liking Percy, but he can't stop. He's tried. He wants to stop liking boys, but he can't. Apparently you can't just turn something like this off. No matter how hard he'd tried to look at anyone else he found that girls just didn't appeal to him. Being-- Being how he is is just another thing about him that sets him apart from everyone else and it's not fair. It's stupid and he doesn't like it and he wants to just have one normal thing about him, but that would be the easy way out. 

If there's one thing his life is not it would be: easy.

Nico di Angelo is no idiot and he knows that no matter how much he wants these things, no matter how much he hurts from it, he'll never be allowed to have anything he wants.

So, instead he wants to run away. He wants to hide. He doesn't want people to touch him or get close. He wants everyone to just forget about him because that would be best. He wants them to stay away as if he had a caution sign taped to him. Caution as in: Contents might be hot!; Caution: Harmful if swallowed; Caution: Toxic. Caution, as in: Son of Hades.

* * *

Jason makes the disappearing act Nico had wanted to pull after the defeat of Gaea impossible. 

Somehow, with his unwavering determination, Jason keeps him around. If there's one thing Nico has to say for Jason it's that the guy doesn't give up. Not for anything. Maybe that dedication of his is what makes him such a good leader. 

At first it's: "Stay for the celebrations, at least!", which was, okay, fair enough. Nico had just taken the Athena Parthenos half way across the world to stop a war between the Greek and Roman camps. He could stay for a little while longer than he absolutely wanted to. Even if only, for one night, he was seen as something, someone, else instead of the usual; Caution: contents might explode!

After that Jason still won't let him leave. The excuses are everything from the idea that Jason wants to spar with Nico one last time before he leaves, to Nico should stay one more night and get one last good home-cooked meal in him. Nico only sighs and agrees to all the things Jason is suggesting because he thinks it might make him go away.

You would think that would make the guy lay off and give him that chance to escape, right? Well, you'd be wrong. It back-fires on Nico and if anything it gives Jason the idea he _wants_ to stay. Which, weirdly enough, makes him even more persistent. It's like he'd been playing a game for hours and couldn't remember if he'd saved and then proceeded to save seven times in a row because sometimes he just has to be sure.

Together they watch a bunch of movies, from what Jasons insists any kid in the 21st century has to at least be aware are in existence, to movies with strange cult followings for reasons Nico doesn't understand, to movies they have to go to the movie theatre to see. They hang out and play a few video games, that again, Jason insist Nico's got to at least be aware of. 

In return, because Nico doesn't see escape any time in his near future, he teaches Jason Mythomagic. Quite honestly, Jason sucks at it-- and not even because Nico's insanely good, but he tries, and plays as best he can every now and again. That's enough for Nico.

Eventually Jason backs off. Surprisingly, Nico doesn't leave. He wants to, but Camp Jupiter has become more comfortable during his stay. Besides, it's winter which means Persephone is with his father in the Underworld. If he can avoid seeing Persephone he will. He still feels sort of dandelion-ey around her. 

What exactly did "feeling dandelion-ey" mean? It means he suddenly feels rooted to the spot and like he should sit in the sun just to bask in it for as long as he could with his arms raised to the sky. 

In other words: not good.

Jason comes back from training one day, and finds that Nico's still hanging around, that he hasn't disappeared like eraser shavings wiped off a desk. Nico looks up to say hello to him when he's greeted with a smile like nothing he's ever had directed at him before. Jason's smile is so big and genuine Nico can't wrap his head around it.

No one looks at him like that. Nobody. 

In fact it's so shocking, he nearly looks behind him to see if Piper has dropped in for a surprise visit. Jason must've seen the look on his face because his grin only gets bigger. He goes to clap Nico on the shoulder, but luckily thinks better of it at the last second. Instead he suggests they do something and that he'll even let Nico decide this time.

Nothing unusual about hanging out with Jason, except that this time there is. Its up to Nico. Jason used to tell him they were going to hang out or watch a movie or spar or do whatever. Nico had always thought of them as excuses of the day to keep him from leaving, but now he's not so sure.

Nico wants to run away, wants to hide, because thats what he's best at. Jason has been and is offering something he's wanted for so long and was just never allowed to have. He's scared. He doesn't dare let himself get too hopeful.

He wants to trust Jason. He wants to take the metaphorical hand thats being offered to him and run away with it, but he can't stop thinking about the what-if's he's so sure are going to come bite him in the ass later. What if he gets to know you and regrets it?; What if he's only trying to be a good leader?; What if Jason gets taken from you too?

Nico desperately hates what if's.

Still, Jason is waiting for his answer.

"Yeah," Nico says, taking a blind metaphorical leap of faith with his arm outstretched to grab the hand Jason is offering him. He's scared he's going to fall short, that he won't be able to grab on or that Jason won't catch him on the other side but again Nico says, "Yeah."

"Really?" Jason says, clearly surprised, but still pleased. "What did you want to do?"

"I'm still thinking about that part."

* * *

When Annabeth and Percy break up Nico hates himself for feeling as happy as he does. 

He feels bad that they broke up, really. Even though he doesn't like to admit it: they were great together. They'd promised to still be friends, and Nico knows that nothing could break their friendship, even if right now things are rocky between them. Breakup's are hard even if they are mutual.

Not that Nico would know because he's sixteen and has never had a significant other.

He hasn't really had time for anything like that anyway. He hangs out in the Underworld more often now and helps his dad out with the skeleton armies. Not much in the way of finding romance there. But, it's not as bad as everyone thinks it is, and he's got a lot of time to himself, which he's always had, and has wanted for even longer.

Jason keeps him from slipping away entirely, however, by telling him to come up for movie night or to catch up or whatever. Nico appreciates it. If it were anyone else Nico would have told them to stop, or to go away because thats what he does, but Nico likes Jason. Not romantically of course. Jason and Piper are still a thing anyway so even if he did like Jason that way he wouldn't stand a chance. Not like that's anything new, but he's truly happy for them. 

Nico still calls Jason asking him to hang out "His Daily Excuse" even though it only happens every few weeks and even though he and Jason are what he would call friends. 

Percy locks himself away for a while, feeling sorry for himself. Understandable, Nico supposes because from what he's seen from snippets of TV shows and movies that's what people do when they're upset. Understandable, because isn't that what Nico himself is doing?

The odd thing, however, is that when Percy does decide make a re-emergence from his cabin, he seeks out Nico. 

Percy is lucky in that it only takes him a two days to find Nico. Nico had been stopping in to deliver a package to Chiron when Percy finds him. He says he wants to spar with him and Nico, without even thinking, says yes.

Training with Percy has two sides to it. The upside is that they can go all-out against each other because no one else can handle the extent of their powers, and it also lets Percy clear his head some. The downside is that it forms a little bubble of hope within Nico's chest. 

Nico tries to squash the tiny bead of hope because he feels like this might be Pandora's box all over again but in reverse, where he starts out with hope and then it gets crushed by awful things like heartbreak and self-loathing because he should have seen the heartbreak coming and another prophecy, probably.

But when he and Percy are sitting together by the waters edge after a long day of training together, and Percy turns to smile at him, that thought gets thrown out the window. When Percy quietly says: "Thanks, Nico," it lets that little bubble of hope becomes the size of a house.

Sometimes Percy will drag Nico with him to the stables after they train to check up on Blackjack and feed him an apple. Nico doesn't like it because the horses still don't like him. They always whinny and shuffle as far away as they can, and Percy always tells them that they're being a bunch of foals; Nico won't hurt them.

Hearing how Percy says that, like he's so sure Nico isn't something to be handled with caution, makes Nico's heart do backflips and flip-flops.

When Jason finds out that the Golden Couple of Camp Half-Blood is broken up, and that Percy is hanging around with Nico, he asks Nico a million silent questions and Nico answers them all with a single sharp glare.

Nico wants to believe that this is Percy trusting him, and that it could mean he might be allowed to be close to him like he's wanted for years, but he knows better. He's not allowed to have the things he wants. If he gets close to Percy, Percy will ruin him. Again.

No matter how badly he wants Percy, he wants to protect himself from the inevitable hurt. He can't go through it again. He can't.

So one day, even though he's supposed to meet up with Percy, Nico leaves. He runs all the way to the Underworld fully intending to hide in between the shadows where no one could ever find him.

* * *

Except, of course, someone does come to find him.

Jason doesn't bother with any of the courtesy iris messages or anything. He just shows up. He's a hot bundle of barely contained electricity, grabbing Nico by the front of his shirt and yanking him off the ground.

Nico splutters in confusion while Jason only yells, "You idiot!!"

Nico hasn't ever seen Jason like this before. He feels hot with shame and finds he can't look Jason in the eyes. He doesn't know why Jason is here, nor does he know why he's being yelled at but he must've fucked something up really bad. Any fight instincts that had kicked in die instantly.

The air is cracking with static, and its heavy in a way that makes it hard to breathe, but Nico doesn't fight it. He waits for Jason to do something, anything. Yell at him, throw him to the ground, decide he's not worth whatever fury he has, but nothing comes.

He must look like a kicked puppy because Jason sets him back on his feet after a moment, only repeating what he said before: "You're an idiot."

Nico watches the ground under his feet, feeling small. Feeling like he's ten years old again, useless to do anything.

"Why did you run away?" Jason finally asks.

Silence hangs between them as Nico struggles to come up with an answer that doesn't sound pathetic. Long seconds pass and Nico still doesn't have one. He clenches his hands tight at his sides. 

"Wasn't this what you wanted?" Jason presses.

"It doesn't matter what I want," Nico says before Jason can go on. "I'm not allowed to get the things I want."

"Of course you don't!" Jason nearly yells, causing Nico to flinch away. "How can you expect people to trust you and want to be around you, when you don't trust them and push them away? When you keep running away?"

Nico doesn't have an answer.

"You really hurt him, you know that?" That gets Nico's attention. "You ran out on him when you guys had plans; he thinks he's done something wrong!"

"Hasn't he though?" Nico fires back. He's yelling. "Everything that's gone wrong in my life is because of him!" It's like if he thinks he's loud enough Jason won't see how scared he is.

"And he's trying to make up for it! He might be a little late to the party, but he was trying and you're not giving him a chance!"

Again, Nico doesn't have anything to say. It's true. He's not giving Percy a chance. He doesn't give anyone or anything a chance, not even himself, because he's so convinced that he won't be allowed to have what he wants.

"I don't want to get hurt," Nico says in a small voice, the fight in him leaving again.

The fight leaves Jason too. His shoulders relax and he realizes how much Nico must trust him to admit something like that.

"I think," Jason says, putting a hand on Nico's shoulder tentatively, "it's time you gave yourself a chance at happiness."

* * *

Nico goes back to Camp Half-Blood, thanks to Jason's insistence upon it.

He's unahppy about it. The second he arrives he feels like he doesn't belong, but he'd promised Jason he'd try, and okay, here he is at camp. Trying.

He waits around Cabin 3 for Percy to show up because Percy's bound to come back eventually. He has to sleep, after all.

Percy does show up. He's scruffy and sweaty like he's just come back from training, and for a second Nico thinks it shouldn't be possible for someone to look that good when they're a sweaty mess, but here's Percy to prove him wrong. 

Nico's got his mouth open to apologize for being a dick, but Percy beats him to it. Nico expects Percy to be angry with him for running out when they had plans together, but that's not what happens. Percy apologizes for being an inconsiderate over the years and for assuming that the past was in the past and that they were cool. He also apologizes for the fact that he complained about how awful the breakup with Annabeth had been to Nico even though it'd been mutual and he apologizes for whatever he did that made Nico run away from camp. Again. 

It's weird to see Percy stumble and trip over his words like they're coming out before he has a chance to really think about what he's saying. At the end of it all, when Nico is sort of just standing there in shock, Percy grins sheepishly and rubs the back of his neck with one hand, and extends the other in offering to Nico. An apology and an ask to start again wrapped up in one.

When Nico takes a few seconds too long to register whats going on, Percy takes it as refusal. His grin fades and his hands slowly starts to drop.

Panic rises up in Nico's throat and hurriedly, with too much movement and more force than is strictly necessary he grabs onto Percy's hand. For once in his life he's going to try and go after something he wants. For the first time in his life, he's not going to push Percy away.

He's scared and he wants to run away, but he promised Jason. He wants desperately not to let the first person to ever give a shit about him down. He wants to show Jason, prove to him that he's worthy of all that time and effort.

He wants to show Percy he's worthy of his time.

So they stand there, holding hands like a pair of idiots, and once Nico realizes this fact he hastily lets go. It reminds him of a time years ago before the battle of Gaea when Percy and Annabeth had just escaped Tatarus and he'd shadow travelled everyone to safety. This time, though, he wasn't going to run away.

"So, did you want to hang out tomorrow?" Percy asks.

"Yeah."

"You won't disappear again?"

"I'll try not to," Nico says with a wry grin.

And Nico thinks it's worth it, whatever he's getting himself into with Percy, is worth it, if only for that smile Percy gives him.

* * *

Hazel has invited Nico over to Camp Jupiter, because, she says, she hasn't seen him in forever, and she misses him. She says she knows he's busy with all the stuff he does for their father in the Underworld, but would it kill him to come over even just to say hello? She informs him that it's been almost half a year since he's said anything to anyone besides little messages that prove he's still alive.

Nico stares at her angry face in the flickering iris message dumbly. Had he really been gone so long? It shouldn't be so shocking, because time moves differently in the Underworld, but he feels like he was talking to Jason just yesterday.

"You're coming," she says matter-of-factly. "I expect to see you tomorrow so we can grab lunch."

Before Nico can even tell her that he might be busy for a while yet, the message cuts out.

And thats how Nico finds himself at Camp Jupiter the next day in a cafe with his sister, Hazel. She's got her hot chocolate, her muffin, and cookie and her bagel, while Nico just sits with his black coffee. He's still not got much of an appetite and though Hazel gives him a stern look, clearly telling him he should eat something, he insists he's fine. 

He doesn't have much to say, but that seems to be okay because Hazel does. He hasn't been around for six months and a lot can happen in that time. There was a hydra attack for one, which would be surprising on a usual day, but even more so because the kindly ones have been quiet since the defeat of Gaea.

Hazel tells Nico all about how they took it down, and he listens. He likes how Hazel leans forward to tell him about the really exciting parts. He likes how she covers her mouth when she's trying not to laugh as she tells him about how Frank's pants caught fire and he had to tear them off, flashing the entire camp his heart patterned boxers.

She tells him about the new camp exchange program to further camp relations. She says it sounds like a lot of fun and that people are really into it. 

Holding her hot chocolate between her hands she asks Nico what he's been up to. Nico can only shrug and say its been the same as ever-- it's the Underworld, what more can you expect from it?

Hazel frowns and says she hopes that means he's been looking after himself. She's about to go on when she asks, instead, what he's looking at. Does she have something in her teeth?

Nico only smiles softly, and says he's just looking at her, because she's grown up a lot.

Hazel's sixteen now and she's grown taller, but not by much. Maybe shortness is something that runs in the Hade's family line. But she's grown into her body, and her face has lost some of its childish roundness. Her hair is the same wild, curly mess its always been and while she keeps up on fashion trends better than Nico ever has, it's still got that 40's feel to it.

"You're beautiful, Hazel," Nico tells her. He means it.

Hazel's eyes widen and whatever she was saying has stopped in its tracks. Heat rushes to her face, and as she ducks her head she fans herself a little. Still, she smiles and says thank you.

* * *

It's winter again and Percy sits beside Nico who's getting ready to leave for the Underworld again for a little while. He doesn't want to go, which is odd because he used to always want an excuse to escape to the Underworld, but his dad is insisting he come down and help organize the dead.

Percy hums and taps his fingers on his leg and is restless enough that Nico has ask him what he wants. He's been hanging around with this restless energy for a while and while Nico enjoys his company, this is starting to grate on his nerves.

He and Percy have grown close over the years. Maybe not super close, but they're friendly enough and he's glad that his past self took some stupid, blind leap of faith and decided to put some trust into Percy. He's mostly content with just bring friends. He says "mostly content" like that because his crush on the guy hasn't died down any. 

His crush used to be some idealized hero worship, but it's not like that anymore. He understands Percy isn't perfect and when Nico realized that it only made him like Percy more. Despite all his flaws and things that aren't so great about him, Percy is still good. He's great! He's… _Percy_. There's no other way to describe it. Percy is Percy and thats who Nico likes.

Not the _idea_ of Percy, but Percy himself.

Nico's question gets ignored and instead Percy asks him what he wants for his birthday. His birthday? Nico had forgotten all about that.

Nico shrugs and says he doesn't want anything. It's true. He can't think of anything he wants right now. Percy thinks on it, and then just says: "Okay". Nico had been expecting some sort of tirade about how there has to be _something_ he wants, but no. Percy just drops it, stands up telling Nico to be safe while he's gone, and then walks away.

Nico would be lying through his teeth if he said that it didn't leave him feeling like a heavy stone had just been dropped into his stomach. But he's getting what he asked for isn't he? He said nothing and Percy fully intends to get him nothing now it seems. 

It's stupid, he knows, but while he can't think of anything he wants for his birthday, it would have been nice to fussed over anyway. Sometimes people do that, himself included, this ass-backwards thing where they say one thing but mean another and it's-- whatever. He has work to do in the Underworld and whatever happens on his birthday will happen.

* * *

Nico returns from his trip to the Underworld. Exhaustion makes him miss his cabin and appear by the water. 

The sea has always had an effect on him. It varies depending on his mood. When he's feeling lonely the sea makes him feel like an 90 year old grandpa with this wistful longing to see his lover again. When he's angry it takes him from a raging bull in a china shop to a cat lazing in the sun. Sometimes it just makes him think. 

Of course it makes him think of Percy in general, but sometimes it makes him think about all the children of the Big Three and how they're all connected. On the horizon sea meets the sky, and beneath his feet the sea washes over the sandy beach. 

Nico finds himself watching the water wash in slowly before receding back out a few times before deciding on a course of action.

He toes off his shoes, pulls off his socks, and rolls his jeans half way up his skinny calves. He's always wanted to do this, but always felt stupid thinking about it. The difference right now is, judging from where the stars are in the sky, he's got a bit of time before he turns eighteen. Might as well do something crazy and wild before he becomes a legal adult, right?

Nico walks a few steps out into the sea and lets the cold water crash over his feet and pool around his ankles. His toes curl into the soft, mushy sand, and the sea breeze is cool on his face. It might be winter, but the camp still has regulated temperature. 

Somehow he feels lighter like this, like he can breathe easier. With every breath his takes his lungs fill with clean air and the feeling of well-being.

Behind him, Percy appears. He asks what he's going here and Nico tells him, only to ask what Percy is doing here after lights-out.

"Couldn't sleep," Percy says with a shrug.

Percy mimics Nico and takes off his shoes and socks. He rolls up his pants, and wades into the water to stand beside Nico.

He's closer than he should be, Nico thinks, but he's not complaining. 

It's just the two of them standing together in comfortable silence, the camp at their backs and an endless ocean and sky above them. It feels a little romantic, honestly. A little intimate. The urge to reach over and take Percy's hand just to see what that would feel like is hard to ignore.

And then, for a second Nico thinks he has reached over to hold Percy's hand in a moment of stupidity. He nearly jumps out of his skin when he realizes that, no, it was Percy who reached over to hold his hand. It was Percy who reached over and laced their fingers together and held tight, but not crushing; strong.

"Sorry," Percy says, but not letting go. "Is this not okay?"

Nico's heart is in his throat, beating fast and hard. He's wide-eyed and tense, he knows it, and Percy is nothing but easy smiles and loose limed.

And then Percy is stepping into Nico a little more. Nico doesn't know what to call this look Percy is looking at him with. Its serious, but relaxed. It's earnest, but private. Its intimate and causes Nico to flush under the collar.

When Percy starts to lean in, Nico does his best not to think or hope or get scared. He wants to stand on his toes and meet Percy half way, but he doesn't want to make a fool of himself just incase this isn't what he's trying not to think this is.

As it turns out Percy did get something for Nico.

A kiss.

It's fire burning him up, and water crashing over him, and electricity through every nerve in his body, and the earth splitting open to swallow him whole and closing back up again the moment Percy's lips touch his.

Nico doesn't have much-- okay, any experience with kissing, but that doesn't mean he doesn't try. 

His kisses are too eager, and too forceful, and too excited and not accurately expressing just how much Nico wants him. He's wanted Percy for years and years and has always just told him himself it won't happen because nothing you want ever comes your way. But it's happening, it's happening, he's kissing a boy, but not any boy, he's kissing Percy Jackson.

He's standing on his toes and he's let go of Percy's hand to cup his face with nervous rattling limbs and--

\-- And Percy pulls away laughing. 

Nico panics. The first time he shows desire for something he really, really wants, he gets laughed at. He took a chance to trust Percy and to get close to him. He was happy just being close to him, he was, but he's liked him for so goddamn long and he let himself throw caution to the wind and kiss him like he's wanted to for so many years when he's finally presented with a chance that seems like there might be a happy ending to it-- and he gets laughed at.

Feeling angry and hurt, and feeling stupid because he should have fucking _known_ Percy would let him down again, he pushes Percy away. His hands connect with Percy's chest and _pushes_ as hard as he can. He hears Percy give an 'oof' of surprise, his laugh swiftly cut off, and he stumbles backwards.

"Nico…?" he starts, but Nico isn't letting him get away that easy.

"Fuck you, Percy Jackson!" he yells, splashing through the water as he takes another step forward. "That was really fucking low!" Again, Nico shoves Percy and this time Percy falls, grabbing Nico and pulling him down.

Nico struggles to get off him, trying to deny any sort of stupid feelings he has about being so close, and trying to deny that he's got tears pricking at the corner of his eyes. Percy only pulls him back and he's saying something but Nico's not listening. He's too upset, too angry. His breathing is heavy, ragged, and he just wants to get away from Percy fucking Jackson.

"…at you!" Nico hears. "I wasn't laughing at you!"

Nico stops trying to pull away and just looks at Percy, who was caught so off guard by Nico's violent reaction he couldn't even think to keep himself dry.

"I'm sorry," Percy says, the grip he has on Nico's arm unrelenting. "It's just. I was laughing because I thought you were cute."

" _Cute?_ "

Percy smiles a little and says, yeah. Cute.

Nico says he's a lot of things. Says he's a short, skinny, off-putting, surly, kid with a short temper. He is not, however, _cute_.

Percy rolls his eyes and says that Nico obviously hasn't seen how he looks whenever Mythomagic is brought up. How he still lights up a little, even if he's trying to hide that he is, and still has all those stats memorized. How Nico talks more with his hands than his mouth sometimes, and how sometimes he'll talk to himself in Italian without even realizing.

"And," Percy continues, "I've never seen you respond to anything like how you did to that kiss."

Nico doesn't say anything. He's too surprised to do anything. Since when did Percy think about him? Since when did Percy notice these details about him? From what Nico remembers Percy never showed any signs of liking him let alone boys in general. Percy has always been the same around him and where was this coming from?

"You told me once," Percy says, as if reading his mind, reading all the signs that tell him Nico wants to run away, "that not giving people a second glance could be dangerous." He's got Nico's chin between his forefinger and thumb, guiding him back close. 

"Well, I decided to have another look around, and as it turns out, I really, really like who I've found."

They kiss. It's calmer this time. More gentle, like they both know this is something that needs to be handled like a box that says: Caution; fragile object inside!

When Percy pulls away this time Nico follows his mouth and kisses him again, holding tightly to his shirt, because he thinks if he doesn't chase Percy and hold him right here in this moment he won't be allowed to have it anymore.

Percy only smiles against Nico's lips, whispering a: "Happy Birthday, Nico," before kissing him again.

* * *

Nico struggles with desire and want. After years and years of being met with loss and disappointment, learning that he's just not allowed to have the things he wants, Nico never learned that there could be things he could want, and be allowed to have. 

He wanted Percy to trust him and to like him as much as Nico liked him, and miracles of all miracles, Percy returned his affections. 

Being Percy's boyfriend, however, smacked Nico in the face with a list of wants he was suddenly allowed to have.

These wants were sometimes as simple as wanting to hold Percy's hand. Holding hands is something that Nico is very much allowed to have but when he's walking beside Percy to the stables, or to the arena, or into the strawberry fields, he struggles. It's so simple, holding hands, and yet, he can't just reach over and take Percy's hand in his. He can't just lace their fingers together and feel the weight of Percy's in his own. He can't hold Percy's hand and focus on the shape of it, and think about how warm it feels, no. He's got to overthink it and worry about fucking up.

But then there are the more complicated things. 

They've been dating for a while now; a year and seven months, and they're only starting to dabble in the world of sex. 

Nico's been dreaming of Percy since he was ten, and for how long he's been dreaming of other things he won't tell.

The first time they did anything, it wasn't anything more than rutting against each other on Percy's bed as they made out. They were fully clothed and it was nothing romantic or special. Nico came in his pants, leaving a sticky, hot mess to clean up after. It had been embarrassing and he'd contemplated running away to the Underworld. 

The first time Percy went down on him, Nico couldn't form a coherent thought, his mind having been reduced to nothing but static pleasure. He'd grabbed at the sheets, instead of Percy's hair, and struggled to keep his hips still. He tried to stay quiet, only to have Percy tell him he _wanted_ to hear how much Nico wanted him. Percy had ripped moans out of Nico's chest, and guided Nico's hands to rest in his hair, letting him tug and pull.

It had been good. Really good. It had been the hottest thing he'd ever experienced to date, and it did something to his libido that only made Nico want Percy more-- and that was the problem. Nico doesn't know how to express his desires. He struggles to tell Percy what he likes in bed, and he struggles to tell Percy the things he wants to try, and he struggles with telling his boyfriend late at night that he's horny and would really like to ravish him. 

He thinks he's getting better, and he thinks Percy understands.

He wanted people to stop looking at him like he was covered in blood or sewage when they found out who his father was.

That… that didn't change. What changed was Nico. He still dresses in black, and he still wears that aviator jacket of his. He's still not very tall (apparently puberty forgot that Nico might enjoy being able to reach things by himself), kind of off-putting and he's still got a short temper, but he's more willing to give people chances.

Jason, whenever they walking from point A to point B at Camp Jupiter, would tell him to not glare at every person he passed. Apparently Nico has a lot of secret admirers, both of the platonic and romantic kind and with that ever present scowl on his face, he was making it hard for people to approach him.

Reflexively Nico had said he didn't want anyone to come near him. 

"Give them a chance, Nico," Jason had said. "You gave Percy a chance and look what happened there." He'd nudged Nico playfully in the side, and Nico had told him to shut up. 

Despite that though, Nico did listen to Jason. Jason's a good guy, he wants the best for Nico even if he does it in an overbearing mama bear sort of way. Nico will never admit it, but he likes being fussed over. He can take care of himself perfectly fine, he did for years, but Jason will tell him to remember his hat on the way out the door when its windy outside, or ask him if he's eaten anything that day, and it's nice.

He's still not the most popular kid at either camp, and he doesn't exactly go out of his way to talk to people, but every now and again someone will approach him and be surprised that Nico won't bite their head off. He's always thought being alone was best, and he likes to just have some time with no one else around to bother him, but he's finding that having company around him isn't so bad.

He wanted, he wants his sister back. But… that isn't ever going to happen. He's known that, and he knows it, but that doesn't stop it from hurting.

But he has Hazel. He has Hazel who's grown up so much, and who's a great sister to him. He loves her. She's always been there for him and cared about him and loved him just as much as he loves her. She's family to him, even if she's not _his_ family-- the one he grew up with. The same family he can't remember.

There had been a point where he struggle to look at her and not think of his sister, struggled to not call her Bianca, but no more. Hazel is noone but herself, and that's more than enough for Nico.

* * *

Nico appears in Percy's room. 

It's dark and Nico can't see the floor to well but it looks like its usual state of disarray. Outside he can see that the sky is starting to lighten to a dusty grey. It's early morning-- Nico will never get used to the time flow difference in the Underworld-- and the world around him has yet to wake up; not even the song birds are singing yet. Even Percy is still asleep. 

Percy's sheets have been kicked down towards the bottom of the bed, and Percy himself is sleeping with his stomach sticking out. His hair is a mess and for once it doesn't look like he's drooling. It's cute to see Percy like this. So relaxed. So at ease. Peaceful.

Quietly Nico strips himself of his worn and dirty clothes, leaving only his underwear on. He probably needs a shower but his exhaustion decides to forgo it in favour of crawling into bed with Percy.

The bed is small, but has enough room for the both of them. The mattress bends to his weight and Nico grabs the sheets, pulling them around himself and throwing them over his boyfriend.

"Nico…?" Percy asks turning his head a little, his voice raspy and filled with sleep.

"Go back to sleep," Nico whispers, placing a small kiss to Percy's lips. That's all it takes for Percy to fall back into his dreams. 

Nico presses himself close against Percy, his head resting on Percy's chest, and one arm looped around his middle. He can feel Percy breathe in and out in slow, deep, even breaths. He can hear Percy's heart beat, and it's a comforting sound.

He takes in a deep breath, and sighs happily against Percy's skin. He smells like the sea, and whatever new soap he's using. 

As he closes his eyes, Nico thinks about this apartment that they're in. Honestly, he doesn't like being in it much. He feels uncomfortable moving around it; like he doesn't belong. He thinks about how he's longed for a home, somewhere that he didn't make him feel awkward and uneasy. He thinks about how there's no place where he feels okay.

But then he starts wondering if maybe home isn't a place.

Maybe home is a person.

And Nico thinks about that. Home being somewhere he feels safe, warm, and wanted. Home being somewhere he wants to be. Home being a person. 

Home being Percy.

And, yeah. That feels right. He's at home when he's with Percy.

For once in his life he feels like he's right where he wants to be. For once in his life he's got everything he wants. And… what has he wanted all this time? Words rattle and bounce off the inside of his head and he lands on one of them. He lands on happy. This whole time he's just wanted to be happy.

Turning his head to press against Percy, Nico allowed himself one big, dumb smile because, you know what? He no longer needs caution signs taped to him to ward people away. He no longer needs to run away. There's no need to hide or disappear-- and the thing about that is: he doesn't want to anymore.

He's happy.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm working on a much longer Percio fic, but I couldn't get this out of my head. Its less of a story and more of a thinly veiled way to talk about Nico headcanon things and struggles and whatever.
> 
> I would call it a "quiet" fic??  
> slow and murmuring. Passive and just something to sink into quietly.  
> yeah i dunno 8/  
> Please don't heasitate to tell me if you catch any errors!!ヽ༼ຈل͜ຈ༽ﾉ


End file.
